Sex is like air; it's not important unless you aren't getting any.
Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
It is far more impressive when others discover your good qualities without your help.
If you lend someone $20, and never see that person again; it was probably worth it.
It only seems kinky the first time.
If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.
There are two theories to winning an argument with women. Neither one works.
Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your mouth is moving.
Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how it remains so popular?
Nothing is fool-proof to a sufficiently talented fool.
He who laughs last, thinks slowest.
Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
Quantum Mechanics: The dreams stuff is made of.
A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
He who hesitates is probably right.
Success always occurs in private, and failure in full view.
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before.
Don't sweat petty things....or pet sweaty things.
Borrow money from pessimists - they don't expect it back.
A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.