Dr. Sheck
My husband is a musician, and practices every night. Practice is over at 10:30 pm he usually comes home about 1:00 am. The bar scene he says will help him meet the right people to become a Rock and Roll Star. This is or seems like his number one goal in life. We have 2 children and we always come last next to his music.

I get lonely aand I've told him. He tells me I'm not the girl he thought he married, I'm insecure and unstable. I'm not a musician, but I do believe there are more profitable ways to becoming a rock star than going to bars after practice.

I told him all I ever wanted in life was someone to love me , and right now I don't feel it. He has a problem helping with the household bills, even though he works everyday. I'm feeling like his mother. Please give me advice on what I need to do.                                                  Ready to Walk

Dear Ready
I'm assuming that you have talked to your husband about these issues until you're blue in the face, so I won't go into the couples communications issues here. Let's focus on you.

What stands out to me in what you write is all I ever wanted in life was someone to love me and I'm feeling like his mother. Not the best feelings to have in a relationship.

So, what I have to say is about you and for you! Having someone to love you will not make you feel whole and complete! It will not change your feelings of loneliness either! As cliche as it's become, you need to generate that love from within, and learn to love yourself.

Your husband is doing what he needs to be doing. Maybe it will make him a rock star, maybe it won't. Maybe it will make him feel important and needed and give him the attention he wants (like you want, perhaps?), maybe it won't.

It's sad that it appears to you that he is devoted more to his career than his wife and family. That happens more often than we'd like to admit in families. It's another thing you can't control.

All you can do is struggle to find that internal love and take care of your family as best you can. Be the best mother you can be to your kids. Don't be the best mother you can be to your husband! Stop that behavior right now. You resent it and I'm sure he does as well. Let him be a man, and contribute to his family as best he can. Love him and be the best wife you can be. Clean up your side of the relationship.

From there, you'll be able to discover what kind of relationship you want and are able to have (if any) with your husband. From there, you'll find the freedom to make the best choices for yourself and your loved ones. You'll have the strength and confidence that comes from knowing that you've done everything possible that you can do.

And consider getting support in doing this, from a mental health professional, a spiritual advisor or perhaps a self-help group like Codependent's Anonymous (I hate the label, but think that the groups can provide good support).