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Learn To Feel Good (SM) Newsletter
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Volume I, Issue 9, September 2001
Editor: M. Adam Sheck, Psy.D., drsheck@learntofeelgood.com
http://www.learntofeelgood.com
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In This Issue
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1. Welcome from Dr. Sheck!
2. Quotations – Albert Einstein!
3. Listen. Then -- Listen!
4. Teaching Tale: The Two Wolves
5. Who is Dr. Sheck?
6. Classified Ads
7. Subscription Management
8. Contact Information
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1. Welcome from Dr. Sheck!
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Welcome to the ninth issue of the Learn To Feel Good (SM)
Newsletter! Some incredibly tragic events have happened within
the past month. And some incredibly noble and soulful events
have also occurred, in response to the tragedy.
I have sent some of my thoughts and feelings out to my sub-
Scribers over the past few weeks, and many of you (close to
200) have written to me as well. This issue of my newsletter
is written in the spirit of compassion and love that will be
required from all of us in order to make some internal sense
of world events, and to create some sense of balance, and
healing within ourselves and our world.
This issue, I have some quotes from Albert Einstein, which I
think are very germane to the world situation right now. Also,
I’m including the teaching tale, “The Two Wolves” which has
been on the website for over a year, as it is also very relevant.
I’m still planning to offer my Learn To Feel Good (SM)
workshop online this Fall. I’ve gotten very little email response
to the idea, so if you’re intrigued by it, please email me right
now so that I can make developing this course a priority.
mailto:drsheck@learntofeelgood.com
Also, come to the website, I’ve got many new items there that
might expand your lives or at least put you in a good mood for
a moment.
http://www.learntofeelgood.com
So welcome, and thank you, again, to all of my subscribers,
new and vintage. If you gain something from this newsletter
or the website and find it valuable in some way, please pass
it on to your friends, family and colleagues around the globe.
Just click on that “forward” button on your email program.
My intention is to increase my subscriber base to 50,000
members by the end of 2001, to effect some positive change
in the world. Please help me in this effort. Again, thank you
for your interest and support.
-M. Adam Sheck, Psy.D.
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2. Quotations: Albert Einstein
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"Few are those who see with their own eyes and feel with their
own hearts."
"Whoever undertakes to set himself up as judge in the field
of truth and knowledge is shipwrecked by the laughter of
the Gods."
"Peace cannot be kept by force. It can only be achieved by understanding.”
“A human being is part of the whole called by us universe , a
part limited in time and space. We experience ourselves, our
thoughts and feelings as something separate from the rest. A
kind of optical delusion of consciousness. This delusion is a
kind of prison for us, restricting us to our personal desires
and to affection for a few persons nearest to us. Our task
must be to free ourselves from the prison by widening our
circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the
whole of nature in its beauty... We shall require a
substantially new manner of thinking if mankind is
to survive."
"I do not know with what weapons World War 3 will be fought,
but World War 4 will be fought with sticks and stones."
"Problems cannot be solved at the same level of awareness that created them."
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3. Listen. Then -- Listen!
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Perhaps you’ve heard this saying, which I only learned this week,
from my friend, Celeste:
“If God wanted you to talk more than he wanted you to listen,
than you would have been born with two mouths and only one
ear!”
This is so brilliant and so very, very true. If we all truly listened
our world would be a much different place. If we all truly
listened to ourselves AND listened to each other, our world
would be totally transformed.
So much of the conflicts in the world are traceable to someone
not being listened to! I’d be willing to step out on a limb and
tell you that the recent acts of terror were committed by
people who were not listening to themselves and were not
being listened to by others, from early on in their lives, from
their early childhoods on.
There is no way that anyone can commit such major acts of
violence and destruction without being totally disconnected
from themselves. Only by being numb to one’s inner voice
and inner feelings can one destroy so readily without feeling
the pain of that destruction. If one is feeling that inner
connection, the mind can’t possibly create a rationalization
capable of overcoming the inner knowing.
And why does one disconnect from their inner voice, their
inner feelings? Generally, we disconnect from ourselves,
because we are in such tremendous pain that we can’t bear
to experience it any longer. We detach from ourselves and
our feelings, and from the consequences of our actions.
And what causes such tremendous pain that we have to
disconnect? Major life traumas, major loss, major unresolved
grief. We all experience loss, yet we don’t all disconnect or
don’t disconnect so totally. Why? Certainly part of it is the
magnitude of the trauma, of the loss.
Yet, more accurately, it is the unresolved nature of our
traumas that perpetuates the torment, that sustains the pain.
And the grief and pain is unresolved because we either aren’t
able to listen to ourselves or others aren’t able/willing to listen
to us. And so, the pain remains within us, until we must go
numb and dead inside and/or act it out in rage or violence on
others or on ourselves.
I know it’s not politically correct to look at the “terrorists”
with compassion or anything resembling empathy. And I’m
certainly not condoning their actions. And, these are/were
people who have endured much loss and suffering and
trauma in their lives and are extremely disconnected from
themselves. That is the other side of the truth.
And now, the survivors of this latest world tragedy are going
through their own trauma process, beginning their own
journey of recovery and healing, as best they can. Can they
truly listen to their pain, their loss, and act to heal it and themselves?
Can they be heard and felt and listened to by others, with
love and compassion? Can they give voice to their pain,
give it expression, in a way that can contribute to the world,
that can provide meaning to their loss? Can they find the
redemption in their loss, and thereby release the role of
victim?
If so, then they may stay connected to themselves, they may
feel their tremendous pain and anguish and not need to
project this pain onto others, cause others pain. They may
not need to retaliate in anger and fear, as the terrorists did.
They may be able to break the cycle, at least for themselves.
And perhaps society may be able to reflect this as well.
So, the discipline (and it takes a tremendous amount of
discipline and hard work) is to really listen to ourselves,
and really connect to our needs. And attend to those needs.
And listen to those we love, and help them to listen to
their needs. And perhaps on a good day, listen to some
stranger’s needs, and help them as well. And let us help
each other to meet our needs. We’re in this world together,
like it or not.
Listen with your ears. Listen with your heart. Listen with
your mind. Listen with your soul. It is a major act of love
to listen to yourself. And it is a major act of love to listen
to another. Don’t wait. Listen. Now.
M. Adam Sheck, Psy.D.
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4. Teaching Tale: The Two Wolves
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There was a grandfather, and his little grandson often came
in the evenings to sit at his knee and ask the many questions
that children ask.
One day the grandson came to his grandfather with a look
of anger on his face.
Grandfather said, "Come, sit, tell me what has happened
today."
The child sat and leaned his chin on his Grandfather's knee.
Looking up into the wrinkled, nut brown face and the kind
dark eyes; the child's anger turned to quite tears. The boy
said, "I went to the town today, with my father, to trade
the furs he has collected over the past several months.
I was happy to go, because father said that since I had
helped him with the trapping, I could get something for
me. Something that I wanted. I was so excited to be in the
trading post, I have not been there before. I looked at many
things and finally found a metal knife! It was small, but good
size for me, so father got it for me."
Here the boy laid his head against his grandfather's knee
and became silent. The Grandfather, softly placed his hand
on the boys raven hair and said, "and then what happened?"
Without lifting his head, the boy said, "I went outside to wait
for father, and to admire my new knife in the sunlight.
Some town boys came by and saw me, they got all around me
and starting saying bad things. They called me dirty and stupid
and said that I should not have such a fine knife. The largest
of these boys, pushed me back and I fell over one of the other
boys. I dropped my knife and one of them snatched it up and
they all ran away, laughing." Here the boy's anger returned,
"I hate them, I hate them all!"
The Grandfather, with eyes that have seen too much, lifted
his grandson's face so his eyes looked into the boys. Grand-
father said, "let me tell you a story. I too, at times, have felt
a great hate for those that have taken so much, with no sorrow
for what they do.
But hate wears you down, and does not hurt your enemy. It is
like taking poison and wishing your enemy would die. I have
struggled with these feelings many times.
It is as if there are two wolves inside me, one is white and
one is black. The White Wolf is good and does no harm. He
lives in harmony with all around him and does not take
offense when no offense was intended.
But will only fight when it is right to do so, and in the right
way. But, the Black Wolf, is full of anger. The littlest thing
will set him into a fit of temper. He fights everyone, all the
time, for no reason.
He cannot think because his anger and hate are so great. It is
helpless anger, for his anger will change nothing. Sometimes
it is hard to live with these two wolves inside me, for both of
them try to dominate my spirit."
The boy, looked intently into his Grandfather's eyes, and
asked "which one wins Grandfather?"
The Grandfather, smiled and said, "The one I feed."
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5. Who is Dr. Sheck?
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After decades of personal investigation on both traditional and
non-traditional paths, Dr. M. Adam Sheck entered the mental
health field. His doctorate is in Clinical Psychology. A bit on the
overeducated side, he also has degrees in Management and
Engineering.
He is a licensed Clinical Psychologist (California License PSY15487)
and Clinical Director of the Manhattan Counseling Center in
Manhattan Beach, California. He is a Professor in the Departments
of Human Behavior and Psychology at Ryokan College in Venice,
California, teaching the two year core curriculum in psychology
as well as graduate classes in counseling psychology. In addition
he supervises/trains psychology interns at the Airport Marina
Counseling Center in Los Angeles, California.
Dr. Sheck works with individuals experiencing personal and/or
career challenges. His special niche is working with "high-tech"
and business professionals who are successful in business, yet
need support in learning to interact successfully on deeper, more
personal levels. He also treats patients one day per week for
what they can afford, his “community mental health” day.
He also has a great deal of experience in career transition
issues, having created a number of businesses. In addition
to psychotherapy, Dr. Sheck conducts business and career
“coaching” both face to face and by telephone. He is the
creator of the “Learn To Feel Good” seminar series which
provides tools for “systematically having the life you want.”
Dr. Sheck is a past President of the Southern California
Association of Imago Relationship Therapists (SCAIRT).
Imago Relationship Therapy (IRT), created by Harville
Hendrix (author of "Getting The Love You Want"), is a very
successful form of couples psychotherapy. Dr. Sheck finds
it extremely satisfying to support couples in working through
their conflicts and distress, and helping them to enhance
their relationship by creating and deepening their intimacy.
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6. Classified Ads
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This issue of the Learn To Feel Good newsletter is sponsored by
Silverwork, which retails and wholesales incredible 925 sterling
silver jewelry from Taxco, India and Bali. Please take a look
at their beautiful website at: http://www.silverwork.org
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7. Subscription Management
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8. Contact Information
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Copyright 2001, M. Adam Sheck, Psy.D.
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