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Learn To Feel Good Newsletter
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Volume I, Issue 3, June 2001
Editor: Maury Sheck, Psy.D., drsheck@learntofeelgood.com
http://www.learntofeelgood.com
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IN THIS ISSUE
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1. Welcome from Dr. Sheck!
2. Quotation of the Month
3. Be Unreasonable!
4. What If God Had Voice Mail?
5. Who is Dr. Sheck?
6. Classified Ads
7. Subscription Management
8. Contact Information
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1. Welcome from Dr. Sheck
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Welcome to the third issue of the Learn To Feel Good Newsletter! Word of this newsletter is beginning to spread, and it appears that it is contributing to the well being of a few people “out there.”
It is genuinely my pleasure to create this newsletter, to give words to some of what I feel, some of what I know, some of what I live. The process of creation is an amazing one, and we are all creating constantly. We create our lives on a daily basis. I speak more about that in my article “Be Unreasonable.”
Creation is also a big part of the workshops I give in Los Angeles. And I’m recreating them, right now, to reflect further ideas I am having and further ways to expand our lives. I’ve also renamed the workshops to reflect this. From now on, instead of “Get A Life” the workshops will be entitled, “Learn To Feel Good” which is more consistent with my message.
You can learn more about the two workshops at:
http://learntofeelgood.com/feelgood1.html
and
http://learntofeelgood.com/feelgood2.html
I have workshops scheduled for July, August and September in Los Angeles. Learn To Feel Good takes an entire day to explore and introduce a systematic approach for you to create the life you want. It’s about clarity, vision and commitment. Learn To Feel Good II takes an entire day to explore the blocks you might have which prevent you from having that life. It’s about letting go of the past. And both workshops have my absolute guarantee that if you’re not satisfied for any reason, your tuition will be refunded to you.
I also want to acknowledge Meryl Beck, from Arizona who writes a wonderful newsletter, “Inspirational Words” who referenced the “Mountain” story from the last issue of my newsletter. You may contact her at MBeck333@aol.com to subscribe to her list. It is well worth it.
Again, I’d like to welcome and thank all of my new subscribers as well as the people who have referred them. If you gain something from this newsletter or the website and find it valuable in some way, please pass it on to your friends, family and colleagues around the globe. Just click on that “forward” button on your web browser.
My long-range goal is to increase my subscriber base to 50,000 members by the end of 2001. Please help me in this effort. Again, thank you for your interest and support. And just for today, be UNREASONABLE!
-Maury Sheck, Psy.D.
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2. Quotation of the Month
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All progress depends on the unreasonable man. The reasonable man adapts himself to the world. The unreasonable man persists in trying to adapt the world to himself.
-George Bernard Shaw
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3. Be Unreasonable!
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People come into my office each day, and are prepared to deliver to me all of the reasons why their life is the way it is. All of the reasons why they aren’t doing what they “wish” they could be doing. All of the reasons for why they feel so “stuck.”
And if this is the first time they’ve met me, I will probably humor them for a time. I will listen to their reasons, I will be empathic, I will be “therapeutic.”
And then I will give them a choice. One option, is that we can spend a few years in psychotherapy, exploring their lives, exploring their past, exploring what mommy did that felt good, and what mommy did that felt bad. We can talk about how daddy worked long hours and paid more attention to big brother. We can talk and talk and talk and gain some insight and gain some understanding.
And then, after a few years, we can think about how the past has influenced the present and how it continues to influence the future. And then we can think about how it could be different and what it would take for it to be different and we can take some baby steps towards that. And eventually, if we both live long enough, we can start making adult choices and enjoy the fruits of all our labors.
Another option, is for us to spend time understanding ourselves, our needs, our desires, our wants, how we want our life to be, how we wish our soul to evolve. And then, begin to take steps to meet those needs, to create that healing. And it may not feel natural and it may not be easy and old patterns and blind spots will definitely do their best to reassert themselves. And many uncomfortable feelings will arise, and many old, familiar beliefs will be challenged.
And I will serve as an auxiliary set of “eyes” to notice the blind spots and patterns as they play out both in the one-to-one therapy between us, and in the “real world.” And I will serve as a support in reality testing and in accessing the deep, inner resources that will be needed for the journey.
And the work will be to remember what is important and what your priorities are and what qualities you want to express in your life. And the work will be to act consistently from these deep needs, and to choose from the “loving adult” part and not from the “injured child” part. And the past doesn’t have to be the predictor of the future.
And some of the choices (and the healing) come from a psychological place and some come from a spiritual place. Neither place seems to have all the answers, or all the questions. And the spiritual life, like all other aspects of life, must be understood and integrated as well. After all, the word “psychology” is derived from the Greek, “psyche” which means “spirit or soul”
And those are the basic options I present for doing the work of healing, of growing up, of having the life you want, the life you deserve. And of course, I’m oversimplifying just a bit. There are many combinations of the two styles. The world is generally more gray than black and white, with an infinite variety of shades and tones.
And I go with wherever my patients lead me, however they want to find their healing. This is not the quick fix, nor is it for the timid. Taking ownership of your life takes a tremendous amount of courage and dedication.
And I do believe in the process of psychotherapy. And I do believe in long-term psychotherapy. And yet, I don’t know that exploring the past ad nauseum is necessarily the answer. And I have certainly learned both personally and professionally, that blaming others for the quality of your life, isn’t particularly effective in having the life you want.
And I certainly don’t think that clinging to your “reasons” will ever result in much more than blame and victimization. As long as there is a victim and a perpetrator, there is a split. And we can decide who is “right” and who is “wrong” and who is to be “punished” for their “transgressions.” And we see this played out in the larger society all of the time. Does it seem to be working?
And as long as we live in this “split” we have severely limited our choices in the world. Or at least, in “our” world. And we are then unable to assume responsibility for our lives and our decisions. And we can’t make healthy choices from our deepest knowing. And we lose the power to call forth what we want in our lives.
Paradoxically, the solution, as it appears to me, is to become “unreasonable.” After all, where have your “reasons” gotten us? Do you want your reasons or do you want to live a better life? Many prefer the comfort of their reasons.
And yet, they are only reasons! They are only thoughts. They are only “delusions” we have about our reality. And we can be “right” about them or we can become “unreasonable.” And I’m not saying that it is an easy path. It involves challenging many of our beliefs.
And, the truth is, that many of our beliefs are not even ours! If we truly examine them, we may notice that many of them, we swallowed whole from our parents, our teachers, our friends.
It takes a great leap of faith to become more “unreasonable.” And it takes a great deal of support, some internal, some external. And like the quality of your life, it is in your hands. I encourage you to begin now. Be unreasonable!
-Maury Sheck, Psy.D.
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4. What If God Had Voice Mail?
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Have you ever wondered what it would be like if GOD decided to install voice mail? Imagine praying and hearing the following:
Thank you for calling Heaven...
For English, Press 1,
for Spanish, Press 2
For all other languages, Press "0".
Please select one of the following options:
Press 1 for Requests,
Press 2 for Thanksgiving,
Press 3 for Complaints,
Press 4 for all other inquiries.
I am sorry; all of our angels and saints are busy helping other sinners right now. However, your prayer is important to us and we will answer it in the order it was received. Please stay on the line.
If you would like to speak to...
THE FATHER, Press 1,
THE SON Press 2,
THE HOLY SPIRIT Press 3.
If you would like to hear King David sing a PSALM while you are holding, Press 4.
To find a loved one that has been assigned to Heaven, press 5, then enter his or her social security number followed by the pound "#" sign. (If you receive a negative response, please hang up and try area code: (666)
For reservations at Heaven, please enter J-O-H-N, followed by the numbers 3-1-6. For answers to nagging questions about dinosaurs, the age of the earth, life on other planets and where Noah's
Ark is, please wait until you arrive.
Our computers show that you have already prayed today. Please hang up and try again tomorrow.
The office is now closed for the weekend to observe a religious holiday. Please pray again on Monday, after 9:30a.m.
If you are calling after hours and need emergency assistance, please
contact your local Spiritual Advisor.
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5. Who is Dr. Sheck?
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After countless years of personal psychotherapy, Dr. Maury A. Sheck entered the mental health field himself. His doctorate is in Clinical Psychology. A bit on the overeducated side, he also has degrees in Management and Engineering.
He is a licensed Clinical Psychologist (California License PSY15487) and Clinical Director of the Manhattan Counseling Center in Manhattan Beach, California. He is a Professor in the Department of Human Behavior at Ryokan College in Venice, California, teaching the two year core curriculum in psychology. In addition he supervises/trains psychology interns at the Airport Marina Counseling Center in Los Angeles, California.
Dr. Sheck works with individuals experiencing personal and/or career challenges. His special niche is working with "high-tech" and business professionals who are successful in business, yet need support in learning to interact successfully on deeper, more personal levels.
He also has a great deal of experience in career transition issues, having created a number of businesses. In addition to psychotherapy, Dr. Sheck conducts business and career “coaching” both face to face and by telephone. He is the creator of the “Learn To Feel Good” seminar series which provides tools for “systematically having the life you want.”
Dr. Sheck is currently President of the Southern California Association of Imago Relationship Therapists (SCAIRT). Imago Relationship Therapy (IRT), created by Harville Hendrix ("Getting The Love You Want"), is a very successful form of couples psychotherapy. Dr. Sheck finds it extremely satisfying to support couples in working through their conflicts and distress, and helping them to enhance their relationship.
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6. Classified Ads
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This issue of the Learn To Feel Good newsletter is sponsored by
Silverwork, which retails and wholesales incredible 925 sterling
silver jewelry from Taxco, India and Thailand. Please take a look
at their beautiful website at: http://www.silverwork.org
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7. Subscription Management
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8. Contact Information
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Copyright 2001, Maury Sheck, Psy.D.
All rights reserved. Do not reprint, host on your Web site,
edit, or re-engineer this newsletter without explicit permission.
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