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Learn To Feel Good (SM) Newsletter
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Volume I, Issue 15, May 2002
Editor: M. Adam Sheck, Psy.D., drsheck@learntofeelgood.com
http://www.learntofeelgood.com
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In This Issue
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1. Quotations for the Month
2. Welcome from Dr. Sheck!
3. The Power Of Our Words
4. Ask Dr. Sheck: Bewildered By Love
5. Teach Tale: The Two Brothers
6. Who is Dr. Sheck?
7. Classified Ads
8. Subscription Management
9. Contact Information
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1. Quotations for the Month
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“Words form the thread on which we string our experiences.”
-Aldous Huxley "
“Though I drew this conclusion, now it draws me."
-Friedrich Nietzsche
"Words are used to catch ideas; once you have
the idea, you can throw the word away.
Oh, how I wish I knew someone who had thrown all
his words away, so I could talk to him about ideas!"
-Chuang Tzu
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2. Welcome from Dr. Sheck!
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Welcome to the fifteenth issue of the Learn To Feel Good (SM)
Newsletter! The theme for this month’s newsletter is “The
Power Of Our Words.”
We all know how important words are, how important it is to
stay connected to those we love. So, in a shameless plug, I’d
encourage you to use our new, complimentary email Greeting
Card Service at the Learn To Feel Good website. There are
literally over 1000 different cards you can send your friends,
family and colleagues which you can customize with
animation and music. The direct link to the Greeting Cards is:
http://www.learntofeelgood.com/ecards.html
And, if a picture is worth 1000 words, why not get your fill
By going to another new Learn To Feel Good feature, the
Cartoon of the Day. It is available through the home page
or you may go directly to this link:
http://www.learntofeelgood.com/cartoon.html
Finally, I’ve written a number of web pages explaining my
Learn To Feel Good Coaching Program, which provides a
systematic way for you to create the life you desire. Learn
more at:
http://www.learntofeelgood.com/coach1.html
And, if you gain something from this newsletter or the website
and find it valuable in some way, please pass it on to your
friends, family and colleagues around the globe. Just click on
that “forward” button on your email program!
-M. Adam Sheck, Psy.D.
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3. The Power Of Our Words
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It is certainly a given in the psychological community that our
words, the language that we use in our lives, are very, very
powerful. And the spiritual community would certainly agree
to this as well. The power of the Word is in every spiritual text.
So, I won’t bore you with the usual information on how our
language influences our actions, our emotions, the possibilities
that we allow into our lives. It’s all true, and it’s available in
many flavors from many people.
The power of words that I’d like to write about today, is the
power that words give us to know ourselves at a much deeper
level, sometimes a more unconscious level.
I’m going to tell you my thoughts about the power of our
“community” words, about our “societal” words. I’m going to
reverse the conventional wisdom about cause and effect here.
I’m not going to say that the words we use influence our society
(although they do), I’m going to say that the words that we use
in our society are an indicator of how we view ourselves.
Specifically, I’m talking about the metaphors we use to describe
ourselves, our lives, our experiences. In our society today, it
seems like our metaphors, our words are becoming increasingly
more mechanistic. Our words are reflecting computers and the
Internet more and more. Some examples are:
I’m tired, I need some “down” time.
I feel like I’m going to “crash.”
I’m “5x5.” (aircraft communications jargon)
Can you “rewind” I missed what you said?
“Garbage in, garbage out.”
I’m “hardwired” for alcoholism.
You have a “screw loose.”
I’m all “amped.”
I can’t “access” that memory.
I may be a little more sensitive to this than many, as I learned to
design computer systems at MIT in my “past life” before I became
a Psychologist. And yet, I don’t think it’s just me. The words we
use reflect how we view ourselves and others.
And the truth is, we aren’t robots, we aren’t automatons walking
around through life. We are so much more than this, yet at a
basic level, we continue to dehumanize ourselves, to demystify
ourselves, to de-soul ourselves.
We aren’t these biomechanical bodies walking around that happen
to have souls inside of them. The soul is the primary part here,
not the body. Our minds, our psyches, our essence is more than
what is contained in the three pounds of neurons we call the
human brain. Our heart is much more than a muscle.
And until we are able to embody the truth of who we are, until we
are able to know ourselves and others more fully, we will continue
to see ourselves in this light. I encourage you to give this some
thought, some contemplation.
As always, I welcome your comments and questions at my email
address: drsheck@learntofeelgood.com.
M. Adam Sheck, Psy.D.
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4. Ask Dr. Sheck: Bewildered By Love
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Dear Dr. Sheck,
I fell in love after meeting someone for only twenty minutes
at the house of a mutual friend. He was in one country and I
in another. Although he said that he couldn't think of
marrying me, he said always to me in emails to "think
positive"
I used to call him up and ask always if he had found someone
else to love and marry and he would say no. He eventually
married but kept it a secret from me.
I cannot understand first of all how I fell in love with someone
who would deliberately and fraudulently play with my emotions,
and secondly WHY someone would do it to someone who was
madly and caringly in love with him. Can you help me to
understand this situation?
Thanks,
Bewildered
Bewildered,
I can only say that falling in love in twenty minutes with
someone probably isn't about love. It's definitely a genuine
feeling you experienced, and yet, love is about truly knowing
someone and is built over time, as trust and intimacy evolve.
I'm sorry you were so hurt and felt so deceived by this person.
I can't answer why he "led you on" as he did. I imagine that
some part of you probably "knew" that he wasn't available for
you, yet you perhaps ignored that small voice, preferring the
fantasy of someone in another country who cared.
It's not this man you need to understand at this point. It is
YOU that you need to understand. It is YOU that you need to
rebuild trust in, so that you can move forward in your life and
perhaps meet and accept someone who truly does desire to
be with you.
Good luck,
Dr. Adam Sheck
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5. Teaching Tales: The Two Brothers
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Once upon a time two brothers who lived on
adjoining farms fell into conflict. It was the
first serious rift in 40 years of farming side by
side, sharing machinery, and trading labor and
goods as needed without a hitch.
It began with a small misunderstanding and it
grew into a major difference, and finally it
exploded into an exchange of bitter words followed
by weeks of silence.
One morning there was a knock on the older
brother's door. He opened it to find a man with a
carpenter's toolbox.
"I'm looking for a few days work" he said.
"Perhaps you would have a few small jobs
here and there I could help you with?
"Yes," said the older brother. "I do have a job
for you. Look across the creek at that farm.
That's my neighbor, in fact, it's my younger
brother. Last week there was a meadow between us
and he took his bulldozer to the river levee and
now there is a creek between us.
Well, he may have done this to spite me, but I'll
go him one better. See that pile of lumber by
the barn? I want you to build me a fence - an
8-foot fence -- so I won't need to see his place
or his face anymore."
The carpenter said, "I think I understand the
situation. Show me the nails and the post-hole
digger and I'll be able to do a job that pleases
you."
The older brother had to go to town, so he helped
the carpenter get the materials ready and then he
was off for the day. The carpenter worked hard all
that day measuring, sawing, nailing.
About sunset when the farmer returned, the
carpenter had just finished his job.
The farmer's eyes opened wide, his jaw dropped.
There was no fence there at all. It was a bridge
-- a bridge stretching from one side of the creek
to the other!
A fine piece of work handrails and
all -- and the neighbor, his younger brother, was
coming across, his hand outstretched. "You are
quite a fellow to build this bridge after all I've
said and done."
The two brothers stood at each end of the bridge,
and then they met in the middle, taking each
other's hand. They turned to see the carpenter
hoist his toolbox on his shoulder.
"No, wait! Stay a few days. I've a lot of other
projects for you," said the older brother.
"I'd love to stay on," the carpenter said, "but,
I have many more bridges to build."
Received from Bobbi Newman
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6. Who is Dr. Sheck?
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After decades of personal investigation on both traditional and
non-traditional paths, Dr. M. Adam Sheck entered the mental
health field. His doctorate is in Clinical Psychology. A bit on the
overeducated side, he also has degrees in Management and
Engineering.
He is a licensed Clinical Psychologist (California License
PSY15487) with a private psychotherapy practice in Redondo
Beach, California. He is a Professor in the Department of
Psychology at Ryokan College in Venice, California, teaching
graduate classes in psychology. In addition he supervises/
trains psychology interns at the Airport Marina Counseling
Center in Los Angeles, California.
Dr. Sheck’s approach to psychotherapy and healing has
evolved over time and combines the psychoanalytic approach
with the more spiritual and soul work of C.J. Jung and the
metaphysical teachings of the Science of Mind.
This psycho-spiritual method seems quite effective in working
with people who have experienced deep traumas and are
struggling to make sense of their lives. Dr. Sheck
treats patients one day per week for what they can afford,
his “community mental health” day.
Having a great deal of personal experience in career
transition issues (having created a number of businesses),
Dr. Sheck conducts business and career “coaching” both
face to face and by telephone. He is the creator of the
Learn To Feel Good (SM) seminar series which provides tools
for “systematically having the life you want.”
Dr. Sheck is past President of the Southern California
Association of Imago Relationship Therapists (SCAIRT). Imago
Relationship Therapy (IRT), created by Harville Hendrix
("Getting The Love You Want"), is a very successful form of
couples psychotherapy. Dr. Sheck finds it extremely satisfying
to support couples in working through their conflicts and
distress, and helping them to enhance their relationship.
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7. Classified Ads
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This issue of the Learn To Feel Good newsletter is sponsored by
Silverwork, which retails and wholesales incredible 925 sterling
silver jewelry from Taxco, India and Bali. Please take a look
at their beautiful website at: http://www.silverwork.org
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8. Subscription Management
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9. Contact Information
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Copyright 2002, M. Adam Sheck, Psy.D.
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