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Learn To Feel Good (SM) Newsletter
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Volume I, Issue 13, March 2002
Editor: M. Adam Sheck, Psy.D., drsheck@learntofeelgood.com
http://www.learntofeelgood.com
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In This Issue
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1. Quotations for the Month
2. Welcome from Dr. Sheck!
3. Unconditional Love
4. Ask Dr. Sheck
5. Teaching Tale: Weakness or Strength?
6. Who is Dr. Sheck?
7. Classified Ads
8. Subscription Management
9. Contact Information
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1. Quotations for the Month
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Life is a song-sing it.
Life is a game - play it.
Life is a challenge - meet it.
Life is a dream - realize it.
Life is a sacrifice - offer it.
Life is love - enjoy it.
- Sai Baba
It is not how much we do, but how much love we put in the
doing. It is not how much we give, but how much love we
put in the giving.
- Mother Teresa
Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while
loving someone deeply gives you courage.
- Lao-Tzu
When the power of love overcomes the love of power the
world will know peace.
- Jimi Hendrix
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2. Welcome from Dr. Sheck!
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Welcome to the thirteenth issue of the Learn To Feel Good (SM)
Newsletter! Hope none of you are superstitious. The theme for
this month’s newsletter is “Unconditional Love,” something we
can all use a little more of.
There have been many changes occurring in my professional
life as well as in the life of my Learn To Feel Good website.
Both have been expanding.
I have totally redesigned the homepage of learntofeelgood.com,
to be more inviting and informative. I’ve also update the
“Quotations To Feel Good” section with many new, inspiring
quotations. So whether you are new to the site or well-traveled,
please take a look, I’m very excited and welcome your feedback.
http://www.learntofeelgood.com
A new, complimentary service that I am truly excited to be
providing is a monthly Learn To Feel Good Community
Teleconference. By dialing into a provided telephone number
and using a pin code, you will be able to join me in a
conference call.
I will be giving a mini-lecture, a guided meditation, and then
having a question and answer period. The first call will be
Friday, April 19, at 6PM PST, 9PM EST. Go to the link below
for more information.
http://www.learntofeelgood.com/communitycall.html
As some of you know, with my complimentary “Ask Dr. Sheck”
service, I have been providing advice on mental health,
relationships, dating and sexuality for close to two years. I
provide this free service in my “spare” time and while I do my
best, not all letters receive responses, and the responses are
not necessarily timely.
A number of you have asked if there is a way for me to provide
a more prompt response. And so, I have created the expedited
“Ask Dr. Sheck” service. While I will continue to provide this
free service, for those who want a quicker response, for a
$15/question fee, I will reply to you within 72 hours. I will
keep you posted on to the popularity of this option, available
at the link below:
http://www.learntofeelgood.com/askdrsheck.html
Finally, Learn To Feel Good has become a business member
of PayPal! For those not familiar with it, PayPal is the premier
(and free) service which enables anyone with an email address
to securely and conveniently send and receive payments online
with any major credit card, debit card, or checking account.
This gives you an additional option for safely purchasing any
of my online courses, one-to-one telephone coaching, or
expedited “Ask Dr. Sheck” services.
As always, feel free to contact me with questions or comments at:
mailto:drsheck@learntofeelgood.com
And, if you gain something from this newsletter or the website
and find it valuable in some way, please pass it on to your
friends, family and colleagues around the globe. Just click on
that “forward” button on your email program!
And in keeping with this month’s theme, express your love,
right now!
-M. Adam Sheck, Psy.D.
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3. Unconditional Love
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My dog, Tasha, died this month. She was my first and only dog,
a Siberian Husky with one blue eye and one brown. She was
fifteen years old, which is an extremely long life for a Husky.
She was beautiful, loving, energetic, mischievous. A joy and a
pain in the rear. If I would leave the house, for even ten minutes,
she would greet me with an excited song (Huskies don’t bark,
they sing and howl).
She was always happy and excited to be with me. She would
always let me know what she wanted, in no uncertain terms.
Her favorite activity was to runaway from home.
That was no big surprise to me, as I got her from the pound,
where she was a stray. I think it must be deep in their genes,
as sled dogs, to be running for miles and miles on the tundra.
Tasha loved to run.
I’m writing about Tasha now, to honor her memory as well as
to speak about unconditional love. Now, as humans, as romantics,
as parents, as psychologically sophisticated people, we speak
about the virtues of unconditional love.
And yet, except for rare instances, I’m not sure that we generally
rise to that level of evolution. Certainly, I’d like to think that I
love my daughter, Alana, unconditionally. And yet, in the day to
day experience of parenting, of homework and spelling tests and
play-dates, does a subtle condition arise from time to time? Are
any of our feelings “unconditional?”
Now with animals, certainly with dogs, we project that they love
us unconditionally. As long as we show up and feed them, they
love us. Now isn’t that a condition?
And are animals even capable of what we as humans call love,
unconditional or not? We often do tend to anthropomorphize
our pets and endow them with human qualities.
I’m going to totally avoid that issue and tell you what I feel is
really the value of a pet. It’s not that they love us, whatever
that means. It’s that they give us the opportunity to love them.
The childlike devotion and loyalty of a dog, their warmth, their
spirit, this inspires us to love them (I don’t pretend to under-
stand cats, so I won’t speak to them).
And for many people, it is far safer to love a pet than to love a
person. There is very little risk that a pet will reject us or trade
us in for a younger or more fit or wealthier owner. The true
gift of the pet is that they allow us to love them.
Back to conditions now. The main reason that we may place
conditions on our love, is a basic misunderstanding we have
about love. We don’t quite understand who “owns” our love
or who “deserves” our love or who “gets” our love or who
“gives” us love.
We don’t understand love and so we place limits upon it, as
if there is this scarcity, this shortage of love. And yet, the
mystery of love is that the more of it we share, the more of
it we have.
And even that isn’t quite the truth. The truth is that we are
totally surrounded with love, and we are created from love,
and so we are love. It is our ignorance of love that keeps us
from recognizing its omnipresence.
And yes, this might be getting a little too spiritual or too
metaphysical for some of you, but let me give you one last
example, which I recently heard from Dr. Michael Beckwith.
He used the analogy of fish swimming in the ocean.
And Mr. Fish is telling Mrs. Fish, “You know, if you would
just cook the algae a little more and if you would lose a
few pounds, I would really be able to give you more ocean!”
And Mrs. Fish replies to Mr. Fish, “Well, if you respected me
more and helped me take care of the minnows, I would be
thrilled to give you more ocean! I remember before the
minnows were born, you used to give me so much ocean!”
And how foolish they both seem to us from our perspective,
as they are living in this vast, seemingly unlimited ocean already!
The ocean is not anyone’s to give, no one owns it or possesses it.
And yet, that is exactly what we do, when we put conditions on
our love. It really isn’t ours to give or take. It’s all just right
there for us to experience, for us to swim in.
We’re swimming in this enormous ocean of love, this infinite
field of love! It is there for us, if we allow ourselves to be part
of it. It is already part of us.
So, think about it, and I’ll think about my teacher, Tasha, and
the love that she allowed me to swim in.
M. Adam Sheck, Psy.D.
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4. Ask Dr. Sheck – Disorder versus Illness
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Dr. Sheck,
Hi...I'm having a hard time distinguishing mental illness from a
mental disorder. Can you enlighten me on the difference?
Confused
Dear Confused,
Basically, it is a matter of semantics. In the medical model, people
suffer from "mental illness" due to the presence of one or more
"mental disorders" such as Major Depressive Disorder or Panic
Disorder.
In the mental health profession, we have a large manual of "mental
disorders"called the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental
Disorders, Fourth Edition (DSM-IV for short). The purpose of this
manual is for all mental health professionals to speak the same
language and have consistency in their assessment and diagnosis of
patients. It defines "mental disorders."
In practice, regardless of diagnosis, different practitioners will
"treat" the patient with different approaches in order to reduce the
impairment that the person has in their life. This may include
psychotherapy as well as the use of psychotropic medications, such
as antidepressants and anxiolytics.
Some psychotherapists feel that diagnosis in itself is injurious, in
that we are now "labeling" someone and limiting them somehow.
While there may be some validity to this, at the same time, in order
to help someone, you must have some sense of what challenges
they are facing.
I hope this gives you some insight into your question.
Dr. Adam Sheck
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5. Teaching Tale – Weakness or Strength?
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Sometimes your biggest weakness can become your biggest
strength. Take, for example, the story of one 10-year-old boy
who decided to study judo despite the fact that he had lost his
left arm in a devastating car accident.
The boy began lessons with an old Japanese judo master. The boy
was doing well, so he couldn't understand why, after three months
of training, the master had taught him only one move.
"Sensei," the boy finally said, "shouldn't I be learning more moves?"
"This is the only move you know, but this is the only move you'll
ever need to know," the sensei replied.
Not quite understanding, but believing in his teacher, the boy kept
training. Several months later, the sensei took the boy to his first
tournament.
Surprising himself, the boy easily won his first two matches. The
third match proved to be more difficult, but after some time, his
opponent became impatient and charged; the boy deftly used his
one move to win the match.
Still amazed by his success, the boy was now in the finals. This
time, his opponent was bigger, stronger, and more experienced.
For a while, the boy appeared to be overmatched. Concerned
that the boy might get hurt, the referee called a time-out. He
was about to stop the match when the sensei intervened.
"No," the sensei insisted, "Let him continue."
Soon after the match resumed, his opponent made a critical
mistake: he dropped his guard. Instantly, the boy used his move
to pin him. The boy had won the match and the tournament. He
was the champion.
On the way home, the boy and sensei reviewed every move in
each and every match. Then the boy summoned the courage to
ask what was really on his mind.
"Sensei, how did I win the tournament with only one move?"
"You won for two reasons," the sensei answered. "First, you've
almost mastered one of the most difficult throws in all of judo.
Second, the only known defense for that move is for your
opponent to grab your left arm."
--Author Unknown
This teaching tale comes from Meryl Beck, who runs an
inspirational mailing list. You can subscribe by contacting her at:
MBECK333@aol.com
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6. Who is Dr. Sheck?
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After decades of personal investigation on both traditional and
non-traditional paths, Dr. M. Adam Sheck entered the mental
health field. His doctorate is in Clinical Psychology. A bit on the
overeducated side, he also has degrees in Management and
Engineering.
He is a licensed Clinical Psychologist (California License PSY15487)
with a private psychotherapy practice in Redondo Beach, California.
He is a Professor in the Department of Psychology at Ryokan
College in Venice, California, teaching graduate classes in
psychology. In addition he supervises/trains psychology interns
at the Airport Marina Counseling Center in Los Angeles, California.
Dr. Sheck’s approach to psychotherapy and healing has
evolved over time and combines the psychoanalytic approach
with the more spiritual and soul work of C.J. Jung and the
metaphysical teachings of the Science of Mind.
This psycho-spiritual method seems quite effective in working
with people who have experienced deep traumas and are
struggling to make sense of their lives. Dr. Sheck
treats patients one day per week for what they can afford,
his “community mental health” day.
Having a great deal of personal experience in career
transition issues (having created a number of businesses),
Dr. Sheck conducts business and career “coaching” both
face to face and by telephone. He is the creator of the
Learn To Feel Good (SM) seminar series which provides tools
for “systematically having the life you want.”
Dr. Sheck is past President of the Southern California
Association of Imago Relationship Therapists (SCAIRT). Imago
Relationship Therapy (IRT), created by Harville Hendrix
("Getting The Love You Want"), is a very successful form of
couples psychotherapy. Dr. Sheck finds it extremely satisfying
to support couples in working through their conflicts and
distress, and helping them to enhance their relationship.
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7. Classified Ads
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This issue of the Learn To Feel Good newsletter is sponsored by
Silverwork, which retails and wholesales incredible 925 sterling
silver jewelry from Taxco, India and Bali. Please take a look
at their beautiful website at: http://www.silverwork.org
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8. Subscription Management
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8. Contact Information
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Copyright 2002, M. Adam Sheck, Psy.D.
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