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Learn To Feel Good (SM) Newsletter
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Volume I, Issue 12, February 2002
Editor: M. Adam Sheck, Psy.D., drsheck@learntofeelgood.com
http://www.learntofeelgood.com
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In This Issue
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1. Quotations for the Month
2. Welcome from Dr. Sheck!
3. Making A Difference
4. Ask Dr. Sheck
5. Who is Dr. Sheck?
6. Classified Ads
7. Subscription Management
8. Contact Information
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1. Quotations for the Month
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Every person I have known who has been truly happy, has learned
how to serve others.
-Albert Schweitzer
We can do no great things, only small things with great love.
-Mother Teresa
What we must decide is perhaps how we are valuable rather than
how valuable we are.
-Edgar Z. Friedenberg
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2. Welcome from Dr. Sheck!
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Welcome to the twelfth issue of the Learn To Feel Good (SM)
Newsletter! I can’t believe I’ve been writing this newsletter
for a year now. Tempus fugit (time flies).
The theme for this month’s newsletter is “Making A
Difference.” Deep down, we all seek ways to create
meaning in our lives, to contribute to others, to “make
a difference.”
Before I began the Learn To Feel Good (SM) newsletter,
website, and seminar series, I created a website modestly
entitled, “Ask Dr Sheck!” It still exists and is actually linked
to the Learn To Feel Good (SM) website. It was one of my
first attempts to “make a difference.”
You can check out the “old” website by going to my current
website (link below), and clicking at the top section, “click
here to access it.”
http://www.learntofeelgood.com
A big part of the “Ask Dr. Sheck” website were the letters
I received from around the world from people seeking
psychological counsel. And, I still receive a number of
letters each month through this site.
In keeping with the theme of “making a difference,” I’ve
decided to select one “interesting” letter each month and
include it in this newsletter. Please let me know how you
like it.
And if you’re new to Learn To Feel Good (SM) website,
please explore it the next time you’re surfing the Web.
It just might expand your life, cause you to think, put a
smile on your face, or actually “make a difference.”
Finally, I’ve begun my first online course, “The
Psychology of Money” which will be all about our
relationship to (or against) abundance in our
lives. If you’re interested in the next one (in
March), check out the link below:
http://www.learntofeelgood.com/moneycourse.html
And always feel free to contact me with questions or
comments at:
mailto:drsheck@learntofeelgood.com
So welcome, and thank you, again, to all of my subscribers,
new and vintage. If you gain something from this newsletter
or the website and find it valuable in some way, please pass
it on to your friends, family and colleagues around the globe.
Just click on that “forward” button on your email program.
Make a difference in someone’s life today!
-M. Adam Sheck, Psy.D.
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3. Making A Difference
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The Zen monk, Ryokan, was discovered by his disciple Saito by
the sea, where the tide had washed ashore hundreds of starfish.
They would soon die of exposure. Ryokan was tossing the
starfish, one at a time, back into the ocean, in a slow,
meditative movement.
“Why do you bother?” Saito asked Ryokan, overwhelmed by
the sheer number of starfish dying. “It won’t make any
difference.”
Ryokan stopped for a moment, looking at the starfish in his
hand. He replied, “It will to this one.”
So, this story of the venerable Zen monk, Ryokan, speaks to
our desire and our willingness to make a difference. For,
somewhere deep inside each of us, is this desire to improve
circumstances and situations, to extend ourselves, to help
others, to be of service.
And while many of us wish to be of service, like Saito, we
may find ourselves overwhelmed by this enormous task of
“changing” the world. And we may find ourselves paralyzed
by this, not knowing where or how to start.
My response to this is for you to start now! You might not be
able to impact “the world,” and yet you can certainly impact
the lives of some of its citizens. Some people can make a
difference “one person at a time” and some can make a
difference on a larger scale.
It’s all making a difference though. And it all “feeds” the needs
of our world collective and we all gain from it. And you will
most certainly gain from what you give.
I was very introverted growing up, and I isolated myself quite
a bit. I didn’t really think of others much, not because I was
self-centered as much as that I didn’t interact much with
others. The idea of community wasn’t even in my vocabulary
at the time, much less contributing to one.
When I left home for college, I made a conscious decision to
expand myself, to be more outgoing, more sociable. One thing
I did, and I can’t even say why, was to join a service fraternity,
Alpha Phi Omega. Now I wasn’t much of a joiner, and one of
the “brothers” of this fraternity lived in my dormitory and
didn’t think I was the “type” to belong.
And yet I felt compelled to join. Membership was open to
anyone willing to contribute of their time and talent. And
it was a very transformative experience.
Every weekend, we would go off to different places in need
and contribute our time and talents. For example, one weekend
we repainted the old, blemished walls of a homeless shelter.
I wasn’t particularly talented at this or very handy, yet I was
appreciated for showing up and being willing to do whatever
was asked of me.
And I received the satisfaction of knowing that I was
contributing to people in need, and I got to socialize and
even have a little fun with my peers. It was my introduction
to being of service, to extending my world beyond my own
narcissistic needs.
Now, four college degrees and twenty-five years later, I still
do what I can to contribute to others. In my psychotherapy
practice, one day each week I treat patients for what they can
afford. I volunteer time to train and supervise psychology
interns, who are studying to be licensed psychologists. I
recently began to volunteer time in a pastoral care ministry
as well.
And I still find it satisfying. And I feel extremely fortunate
and grateful that I can make time to give back to my community.
It’s not the amount of time or level of contribution or degree
of impact that you make that is important. It is the desire and
willingness to look beyond yourself and your circumstances, to
extend yourself for another.
It is being willing to hold a space for someone else in your
consciousness, which allows for the miracles, large and small
that occur on our planet on a daily basis. I encourage you to
be part of this. I challenge you to find a cause that you can
serve that is larger than you are. I challenge you to make a
difference.
M. Adam Sheck, Psy.D.
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4. Ask Dr. Sheck - PTSD
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Dr. Sheck,
I have Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (from rape and spousal
abuse) and panic attacks, but they seemed to be under control
for more than a year. I thought I was doing well, enjoying a
nice little life. Then I met a wonderful man who opened my
eyes and my heart to how wonderful I could feel. The down
side is that now I am finding triggers that I didn't think I had.
I am starting to have the panic attacks again and I am fighting
almost every day to not numb out. I don't guess I realized just
how much I fall back on not letting things in. So my question
is will this get better or easier with time if I try to work thru
issues as they come up? Is this normal when you first quit
numbing out? And how much should I explain to him if I
believe he is the one I was meant to grow old with?
Panicked
Panicked,
It sounds like you understand exactly what is happening to
you. When we are shut down to our pain and past traumas,
we may seem to be living a life that is “symptom” free.
However, when we begin to open up again, as in your case,
when you began this new relationship, it is possible for our
“unfinished business” to come back with a vengeance.
Entering a healthy relationship, you of course begin to
gradually open up and make yourself vulnerable. And when
you begin to feel safe and trusting and vulnerable, your old
wounds begin to resurface. The good news, in my experience,
is that the wounds resurface, so that they might heal! And if
you are in an intimate, loving relationship, there is great
potential for this healing to take place.
I work with a number of severely traumatized women (incest
and sexual abuse issues). In my experience, entering a safe
and loving, intimate relationship while wonderful for them,
does bring up a great deal of their old pain and trust issues.
It is a very challenging time for them and their partners.
Without question I would recommend that you seek the
services of an experienced psychotherapist to support you
during this time. Working with the psychotherapist, you
will discover when and to what extent you might share your
past with your new relationship.
So, please, seek help, take it slow, and know that people can
find healing from the deepest of psychological wounds. I
wish you the best on your path.
M. Adam Sheck, Psy.D.
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5. Who is Dr. Sheck?
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After decades of personal investigation on both traditional and
non-traditional paths, Dr. M. Adam Sheck entered the mental
health field. His doctorate is in Clinical Psychology. A bit on the
overeducated side, he also has degrees in Management and
Engineering.
He is a licensed Clinical Psychologist (California License PSY15487)
and Clinical Director of the Manhattan Counseling Center in
Manhattan Beach, California. He is a Professor in the Departments
of Human Behavior and Psychology at Ryokan College in Venice,
California, teaching the two year core curriculum in psychology
as well as graduate classes in counseling psychology. In addition
he supervises/trains psychology interns at the Airport Marina
Counseling Center in Los Angeles, California.
Dr. Sheck’s approach to psychotherapy and healing has
evolved over time and combines the psychoanalytic approach
with the more spiritual and soul work of C.J. Jung. This
psycho-spiritual method seems quite effective in working
with people who have experienced deep traumas and are
struggling to make sense of their lives. Dr. Sheck
treats patients one day per week for what they can afford,
his “community mental health” day.
Having a great deal of personal experience in career
transition issues (having created a number of businesses),
Dr. Sheck conducts business and career “coaching” both
face to face and by telephone. He is the creator of the
Learn To Feel Good (SM) seminar series which provides tools
for “systematically having the life you want.”
Dr. Sheck is past President of the Southern California
Association of Imago Relationship Therapists (SCAIRT). Imago
Relationship Therapy (IRT), created by Harville Hendrix
("Getting The Love You Want"), is a very successful form of
couples psychotherapy. Dr. Sheck finds it extremely satisfying
to support couples in working through their conflicts and
distress, and helping them to enhance their relationship.
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6. Classified Ads
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This issue of the Learn To Feel Good newsletter is sponsored by
Silverwork, which retails and wholesales incredible 925 sterling
silver jewelry from Taxco, India and Bali. Please take a look
at their beautiful website at: http://www.silverwork.org
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7. Subscription Management
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8. Contact Information
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mailto:advertising@learntofeelgood.com
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Copyright 2002, M. Adam Sheck, Psy.D.
All rights reserved. Do not reprint, host on your Web site,
edit, or re-engineer this newsletter without explicit permission.
Permission is granted for electronically forwarding this
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