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Learn To Feel Good (SM) Newsletter
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Volume I, Issue 11, January 2002
Editor: M. Adam Sheck, Psy.D., drsheck@learntofeelgood.com
http://www.learntofeelgood.com
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In This Issue
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1. Welcome from Dr. Sheck!
2. Quotations for the Month!
3. A Feeling Year
4. The Sieve: A Teaching Tale
5. Who is Dr. Sheck?
6. Classified Ads
7. Subscription Management
8. Contact Information
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1. Welcome from Dr. Sheck!
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Welcome to the eleventh issue of the Learn To Feel Good (SM)
Newsletter!
It is a New Year, 2002! And, it can be the best year you’ve
ever celebrated in your life, it’s up to you! We’re already
halfway through January, so you may find yourself like so
many others, already challenged with those “resolutions”
you’ve made. I write more of my thoughts about this in
my column, “A Feeling Year.” And I’ve also included a
wonderful “teaching tale” in this issue, “The Sieve.”
For those of you new to me and my website, please follow
this link to learn more:
http://www.learntofeelgood.com
I’ve got many new items there that might expand your lives,
cause you to think or perhaps put a smile on your face.
I’m offering a four week “email” course in February,
“The Psychology of Money” which will be all about
our relationship to (or against) abundance in our
lives. The “investment” for the course will be $25
US and you may go to the link below to register:
http://www.learntofeelgood.com/moneycourse.html
And always feel free to contact me with questions or
comments at:
mailto:drsheck@learntofeelgood.com
So welcome, and thank you, again, to all of my subscribers,
new and vintage. If you gain something from this newsletter
or the website and find it valuable in some way, please pass
it on to your friends, family and colleagues around the globe.
Just click on that “forward” button on your email program.
And please, have the greatest year ever!
-M. Adam Sheck, Psy.D.
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2. Quotations for the Month
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“If we don’t change our direction, we are likely to end up where
we are headed.”
-Ancient Chinese Proverb
“Experience is not what happens to you. It’s what you do with
what happens to you.”
-Aldous Huxley
“We do not see things as they are; we see things as we are.”
– Talmud
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3. A Feeling Year
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It seems to me, that for the most part, New Year’s resolutions focus
on the tangible, focus on “stuff,” focus on material things. Or on
what we want to REMOVE from our lives – “I want to LOSE weight
or STOP smoking or STOP fighting with my spouse.”
And we have differing levels of success in these resolutions to
REMOVE things from our lives. Ask anyone who’s tried to stop
something, tried to end a “bad” habit or an addiction. If they’ve
been successful, it probably has taken them a number of times
to achieve their result. And for many, it takes a great deal of
energy to MAINTAIN the result.
And yet, when it comes down to it, what most people really want
is to ADD something to their lives. And what they want to ADD
is far less tangible than what they say they want to STOP.
People come into my office (or we work by telephone) and after
enough questioning, what they really want is to ADD certain feel-
ing states to their lives or INCREASE these feeling states.
I want to FEEL good.
I want to FEEL peaceful.
I want to FEEL love.
I want to FEEL excited.
I want to FEEL creative.
And while we may feel that we have some limitations as to what we
can control in the material world, we often have a great deal of
control over our inner states, our feeling states, our reactions to
the events of life.
And the truth is, that most of these FEELING states that we want
to experience, are NATURAL states, that already exist within us,
that are just waiting to be called back into our lives. So in reality,
we’re not even ADDING them. We’re only just reconnecting to
what already exists, although for some it might be dormant or
quite deeply buried.
And once we connect, truly connect to these FEELING states, it
really doesn’t take much to MAINTAIN them, as they’re natural
states. It doesn’t take the same “white knuckle” energy that it
takes to sustain an unpleasant diet to meet an arbitrary weight
loss goal.
As long as the methods we have for generating these FEELING
states are consistent with our VALUES (internal principles that
we live by), and BELIEFS (formulas for living based upon the
meanings we have attached to past events) there is no conflict.
And as an added benefit, once we CONNECT to and maintain these
feeling states on a regular basis, we may notice that we naturally
gravitate towards the MATERIAL goals that we had as well.
Now I’m not saying that connecting to these states, after living
lives in less resourceful states is a piece of cake. It takes FOCUS,
DISCIPLINE AND COMMITMENT. Yet, it can be done.
HOW we do that, is the work, and probably a little more than can
be explained in this format. The basic components though, are
these:
1. Determine the feeling states that you would like to
experience on a regular, daily basis.
2. Determine what actions you can take on a daily basis
to experience these states.
3. Commit to taking these actions on a daily basis.
Now, if you’ve done all this, and you notice that you still aren’t
taking the identified actions, you probably need some support
in dealing with the BLOCKS you might have in doing so.
Some of these BLOCKS might have to do with your past, with
earlier events, perhaps from your childhood, where you might
have acquired some limiting BELIEFS, which prevent you from
taking action.
Possibly not, though! The BLOCKS might also be in WAYS of
thinking or conceptualizing what you want. We “professionals”
call this a PARADIGM shift. Or the BLOCKS might be
INFORMATIONAL. If you had the proper information, you
might be able to achieve what you desire.
So, you might need some support in dealing with these BLOCKS.
You might need to work with a counselor, a psychologist, a
coach, a spiritual advisor. This is a big part of the work I
perform with people, individually and in workshops.
So, for some of you, this might be a different perspective to
take on life, committing to expressing certain feeling states.
For me, it’s about living each day with meaning. It’s about
making a difference in someone’s life, touching someone,
enriching someone, creating a moment of deep connection.
You can experience more of the life you desire!
M. Adam Sheck, Psy.D.
Note: If you need some support in experiencing more
of the life you’ve always said you wanted, consider my
new, online “Learn To Feel Good” course, derived from
my “live” workshop. Please go to the link below (don’t
wait!). I am offering my “Learn To Feel Good” course
online in February, and the first 50 people to register
will receive a 50% discount. Register at the link
below:
http://learntofeelgood.com/fgonlinews1.html
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4. The Sieve – A Teaching Tale
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A group of devotees invited a master of meditation to the house
of one of them, to give them instruction. He told them that they
must strive to acquire freedom from strong reactions to the
events of daily life, an attitude of habitual reverence, and the
regular practice of a method of meditation.
The object was to realize one’s divine life pervading all things.
"In the end you must come to this realization not only in the
meditation period, but in daily life. The whole process is like
filling a sieve with water."
He bowed and left.
The little group saw him off and then one of them turned to the
others, fuming, "That's as good as telling us that we'll never be
able to do it. Filling a sieve with water, I ask you! That's what
happens now, isn't it? At least with me.
I go hear a sermon, or I pray, or I read one of the holy books,
or I help the neighbors with their children and offer the merit
to God, or something like that and I feel uplifted.
My character does improve for a bit -- I don't get so impatient,
and I don't gossip so much. But it soon drops off, and I'm just
like I was before. It's like water in a sieve, all right. But now he's
telling us this is all we shall ever be able to do."
They pondered on the image of the sieve without getting any
solution which satisfied them all. Some thought he was telling
them that people like themselves in the world could expect
only a temporary upliftment.
Some thought he was just laughing at them. Others thought he
might be referring to something in the classics which he had
expected them to know -- they looked for references to a sieve,
without success.
In the end, the whole thing dropped away from them all except
for one woman, who decided to see the master. He gave her a
sieve and a cup and they went to the nearby seashore, where
they stood on a rock with the waves breaking around them.
"Show me how you fill the sieve with water," he said.
She bent down, held the sieve in one hand, and scooped the
water into it with the cup. It barely appeared at the bottom of
the sieve and then was gone.
"It's just like that with spiritual practice, too," he said, "while
one stands on the rock of I-ness, and tries to ladle the divine
realization into it. That's not the way to fill a sieve with water,
or the self with divine life.”
"How do you do it then?" she asked.
He took the sieve from her hand, and threw it far out into the
sea, where it floated momentarily and then sank.
"Now it's full of water, and it will remain so," he said. "That's
the way to fill it with water, and it's the way to do spiritual
practice.
It's not ladling little cupfuls of divine life into the individuality,
but throwing the individuality far out into the sea of divine life."
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5. Who is Dr. Sheck?
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After decades of personal investigation on both traditional and
non-traditional paths, Dr. M. Adam Sheck entered the mental
health field. His doctorate is in Clinical Psychology. A bit on the
overeducated side, he also has degrees in Management and
Engineering.
He is a licensed Clinical Psychologist (California License PSY15487)
and Clinical Director of the Manhattan Counseling Center in
Manhattan Beach, California. He is a Professor in the Departments
of Human Behavior and Psychology at Ryokan College in Venice,
California, teaching the two year core curriculum in psychology
as well as graduate classes in counseling psychology. In addition
he supervises/trains psychology interns at the Airport Marina
Counseling Center in Los Angeles, California.
Dr. Sheck’s approach to psychotherapy and healing has
evolved over time and combines the psychoanalytic approach
with the more spiritual and soul work of C.J. Jung. This
psycho-spiritual method seems quite effective in working
with people who have experienced deep traumas and are
struggling to make sense of their lives. Dr. Sheck also
treats patients one day per week for what they can afford,
his “community mental health” day.
He also has a great deal of experience in career transition
issues, having created a number of businesses. In addition
to psychotherapy, Dr. Sheck conducts business and career
“coaching” both face to face and by telephone. He is the
creator of the “Learn To Feel Good” seminar series which
provides tools for “systematically having the life you want.”
Dr. Sheck is past President of the Southern California
Association of Imago Relationship Therapists (SCAIRT). Imago
Relationship Therapy (IRT), created by Harville Hendrix
("Getting The Love You Want"), is a very successful form of
couples psychotherapy. Dr. Sheck finds it extremely satisfying
to support couples in working through their conflicts and
distress, and helping them to enhance their relationship.
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6. Classified Ads
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This issue of the Learn To Feel Good newsletter is sponsored by
Silverwork, which retails and wholesales incredible 925 sterling
silver jewelry from Taxco, India and Bali. Please take a look
at their beautiful website at: http://www.silverwork.org
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7. Subscription Management
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8. Contact Information
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Copyright 2002, M. Adam Sheck, Psy.D.
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