Dr. Sheck,
I was laid off from a professional career in aerospace over a year ago and I haven’t been able to find another job. I don’t know what to do. I’ve got enough money for another six months, but I’m really afraid. There aren’t a lot of professional jobs out there anymore and I can’t flip burgers at Macdonald’s!

I sit around the house all day, just moping around. All my friends are working, and don’t have time to hang out with me during the day. My sleep cycle is all screwed up. I stay up late at night and sleep in during the day. I feel so tired and exhausted all the time. I used to have hobbies, go to the gym, have fun. Now I’m not doing much of anything.

My girlfriend left me a couple of months ago. I don’t blame her. Who wants to be with an unemployed loser? My friends and family just don’t understand how hard this is for me. They think I’m just being lazy and goofing off. They think I should just pick myself up and find a job. I can barely pick myself up out of bed in the morning. Nobody understands! What can I do?
                                                               A.F.

A.F.
You’ve got two big issues going on right now. One is external: finding a job. The other is internal: dealing with yourself. Both are important, but if you can’t get on top of the internal issue, you’ll never make it to the external, to finding that job.

Let’s cut to the chase. It’s entirely possible that you’re in the middle of a Major Depressive Episode right now! It’s not appropriate to diagnosis this without face to face contact, but you have many of the symptoms: depressed mood, lack of interest in your usual activities, sleep disturbance, restlessness, fatigue, feelings of worthlessness. Are there times that you think of hurting yourself as well?

Don’t kid yourself, this could be a serious, potentially life-threatening mental disorder. Get help now! See your physician, see a psychotherapist, see a good psychiatrist. Antidepressant medication and good psychotherapy can nip this in the bud before things get worse. And there certainly is the potential for it to get worse.

I know that many people are wary of psychotropic medications such as antidepressants (Prozac, etc.). I don’t believe in taking them haphazardly, but in my practice, I HAVE SEEN THEM WORK MIRACLES!

If you are not in a true depression (meet with a professional, please, and let them help you determine this), than you are at the very least, certainly in a big rut. Since losing your job, you have developed some very poor mental habits. You have lost your discipline, your motivation, and your belief in yourself. This must change if you are to move ahead. And no one can change it but you!

Make a list of activities you enjoyed prior to losing your job. Begin to re-introduce these activities into your life again, little by little, one by one. Exercise is certainly a good one to begin with. Once you have some oxygen circulating in your system along with those endorphins (the body’s natural "uppers"), you’ll begin to be energized, to be excited, to be connected to other interests.

Begin to structure your life. The lack of a job, a structure, somewhere to go in the mornings, may be part of why you are collapsing internally. Make seeking employment your job. Structure 40 hours/week (at a minimum) to that task. Get organized!

And, begin to face the reality of your situation. You may not be able to find a job at the same level that you had. You may only be able to obtain a job at a lower position, possibly for less money than you are used to. However, you need some type of employment now, just to get back into the routine of working. It will give you the structure you need and begin to boost your self-esteem.

Or, perhaps this is truly your "opportunity of a lifetime," to begin a career in some field that you truly love, radically different from what you left. Imagine how you want to spend the next ten or twenty years of your career. And then look another twenty years ahead from there! What do you need to do to get to that place now? More training or education? Apprenticeship?

And please, get support from your friends and family in this. Or from a spiritual advisor or a therapist or a career coach. You don’t have to do it alone. Please update me on your progress and if I can refer you to appropriate support, don’t hesitate to Ask Dr. Sheck!